Note To My Daughter: “Mean Girls”
Editors note: School is resuming for so many of our children that we thought it appropriate to post a lovingly instructive letter from one of our missionary moms to her beloved daughter. May it help you as your children come face to face with those in their classrooms who might be more intimidating than friendly.
My most treasured & beloved daughter:
I could not give you any greater lesson than to teach you to learn to love and forgive. It is a life lesson you will need to “master” for many situations and relations in your life, for a lifetime. Learn how to handle “Mean Girls”, in a Godly way, NOW. It will equip you for those “life” situations when I cannot be with you (Jesus is always with you).
Unfortunately, “Mean Girls” come in all ages, cultures, sizes, colors, and are most prevalent in the most unsuspecting of places, even the church and family. They often display mean tendencies towards their mothers and/or have groups of friends who follow them, who refuse to address their bad behavior lest they be cast out of their social group. Those people can be put in the same category, “mean”/”bullies”, since they are unwilling to stand up for what is righteous. You MUST choose to forgive them all.
A “Mean Girl”…we ALL have tendencies to be one. (Don’t ever “be one”, even when you want to protect yourself from one. Choose love instead.) There is some sinful drive wired in women to want to be in control of people and situations. The minute we don’t feel we are in control over a situation or individual our territory is somehow “threatened”. Then there arises a tendency to be “mean” (treat others as less, not welcoming, a gossip, show unkind behavior, etc.).
I know you know them well; you have been placed in many situations in having to face them. You always will. Have courage to obey the Lord in loving others no matter how they treat you; He asks for “obedience over sacrifice” and in that will be blessing.
Loving others DOES NOT mean you have to be best friends with them (or friends at all); in fact, it’s often Godly wisdom not to be (bad character corrupts good). That DOES NOT mean you have to tolerate their unkind words (you are not a “door mat”); but remember to never (ever) “return evil for evil”. Just turn your cheek/shoulder; God is much better at dealing with those who come against us, than we ever could be.
People always reap what they sow; it may be sooner, it may be later – but be “like Joseph” and trust God for the justice and outcome. Always, Always allow room for grace; we all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. We all can have “bad moments”; be ready to receive a repentant heart (and forgive regardless) so you don’t allow that individual’s actions to have power over you. By doing so, you transfer power/authority to Jesus over the situation/individual.
YOU MUST be able to be in a room with someone who has been hurtful towards you and be able to make genuine “eye contact.” This requires you going to the Lord quickly with whatever offense has been committed against you and saying, “Father, forgive them – they know not what they do” (even when you are sure they know exactly what they just did). Tell Him, “Lord, I trust you for the outcome of this. I choose to forgive _____for _____”. Then, quickly find a way to “wash their feet”…serve them. Do what Jesus did with Judas, find a way to serve that individual in the strength and love of Jesus (only after truly forgiving), so that no one else in the room (or world) sees your wound. An unkind heart will eventually be revealed to others. How others deal with it will speak volumes as to their character. TRUST that Jesus sees (He is El Roi – who saw Hagar crying in the desert after Sara was so mean to her). Have faith that He promises to handle injustices brought against His beloved. Pastor Jon Courson once said “If the Lord promises to deal with all my enemies; why would I want to stand between Him and them?”.
Also, don’t allow the enemy to re-dig up past offenses; speak affirmation to the Lord when the enemy tries to mess with your head. “Thank You Lord, that the offense has been covered by Your blood; and that You are well acquainted with my rejection and hurt. Through Your victory on the cross I, too, am victorious”.
“You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.” (Matt. 22:37-40)
So, LOVE GOD COMPLETELY (in obedience with how you respond to “mean girls”) & LOVE OTHERS BY LOVING THEM AS YOU WANT TO BE LOVED (I don’t know about you, but I want others to be full of love, mercy and grace toward me when I “blow it”.) .
YOUR VALUE IS IN JESUS CHRIST. You are the daughter of the King of Kings, not who “mean girls” make you feel you are. I am thankful for the girls in your life, who are mature in Christ and know how to be friends to all. Keep them close. Be wise in who you choose as friends. Jesus said others would know who His true disciples are “by their love for one another.” (John 13:35)
In closing. Remember to ALWAYS choose LOVE.
“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love.” 1 John 4:7-8
My heart loves you so much more than any human words can ever express; walk in His ways and be blessed!
by Coleen JeJeran, Missionary to Romania