Hostility

"But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language. Don't lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old sinful nature and all its wicked deeds. Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like Him." Colossians 3:8-10

“I am not your scapegoat! Stop being a victim and blaming me for your problems, and for goodness sake--stop lying!!!”

Hurt, confusion and a whole lot of anger went into those thoughts of mine. Words and feelings I couldn’t even speak became ‘AAAGH!’ Tears of bitter disappointment and grief streamed down my face. Grief for the misunderstanding and broken relationship that caused this outburst.

"Really?"

The word stopped me cold.

“Oh no, Lord! I'm justified in my anger!”

Tears continued to run down my face as I tried to explain my right to be angry. 

“God I’m done! How can I be blamed for something I didn’t do?”

But I couldn’t escape the truth that word, ‘really’, represented. It intruded into my pity party, pierced through my heart, mind, and spirit. 

God, my Saviour, Redeemer and yes--my Scapegoat--had taken my lies, my sin, upon Himself--when every word He’d ever spoken was absolute truth. As my scapegoat, He became a victim of hatred, violence and unspeakable pain. He was lied about and judged. For me. What Grace.

Finally, my tears went from anger to tears of acceptance. Sometimes life is unfair and people will disappoint and lie and blame, but Jesus never will. Jesus is our Prince of Peace and I’m learning to accept this: if I want to live in His peace, I have to put away my anger and hurt. I have to love above and beyond what I’m capable of doing on my own and extend grace the way it was extended to me.

“Really...” What love and power that one word held for me that day.

Hurt and anger try to flare up now and again and the loneliness I feel for that person sometimes feels insurmountable. But...my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ is my peace and comfort. The truth is anger and hurt cannot reside where Jesus is.

"For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."  Hebrews 12:3

by Eve Montano